quite good for a tuesday

Today I heard three of the most hilarious things I've heard in my entire life (okay so I'm being melodramatic, but they were really funny) (I know I am easily amused, but really—they were funny). One of them I cannot repeat because Cari(onmywaywardson) would kill me. The other two...are as follows:

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Setting the scene: some of us are standing around talking after church. Jenae informs me that she's figured out that she has karoake on her digital cable box. I smack Cari in the arm and say, "Did you hear that?"

Cari: "Hear what?"

Jenae: "We have karoake on our cable."

Jason: "Well, if you do, that means we do too. Where is it?"

Jenae: "It's right after the Oxygen network."

Jason: "Uh-huh. Seventy-four."

Cari and I promptly looked at each other as if one of us had incorrectly used the word hair and died laughing.

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Setting the scene: Julia and I were on the phone this evening, and she was filling me in on how things have gone completely kaput with the guy she's been seeing. I was sitting on my bed talking on the phone to her, and Callie (my female cat) was laying on my bed next to me. Sam (my male cat) jumped on the bed and simply walked past her. Callie immediately stood up and growled at him, and smacked him on the head with her declawed paw.

I interrupted Julia, saying, "Hey hey hey! Stoppit!" to the cats. Speaking to Julia again I said, "Sorry. Callie was beating the shit out of Sam."

Julia: "Oh, he probably deserved it. After all he IS a boy."

higher math

Yesterday, as Cari, Jason, and I all sat quietly, separately engrossed in whatever it was each of us was doing, Cari broke the silence with, "Hey, what's twenty times a thousand?"

Jason and I, in perfect unison, replied, "Twenty thousand."

a little goodness

Tonight was one of those perfect nights, you know? I drove to Lawrence and talked to my parents on the phone the whole way there. Then hung out in Bella Bistro for awhile with Caley and Katie and drank fabulous coffee with gingerbread creamer. Then we went to Caley's house and just sat around and had great conversation—some deep, some nonsensical. We hung out with the cat and two dogs. Then I drove home and listened to my iPod on shuffle. And I realized three things:

1. I like R.E.M. a lot. I don't know trivia or history or album titles or song titles or even all the words to all the songs. But I have, like, twelve of their albums and when the iPod's on shuffle I get an R.E.M. song about every third song. And I love them all. I just like the way they sound. And I've been listening to them for, oh, twenty years.

2. I used to not like the city. I used to think the city lights were such a visual pollution. But driving into Kansas City tonight it was cloudy and the city lights reflected off the clouds and made that famous pink glow. And it was actually pretty. And I thought about all the people that live there, and how wonderful it is that we're not alone.

3. I am happy. Despite all the shit that we get beaten down by, that we discuss like it's the end of the world, that we expend so much energy on...at the end of the day, I am happy.

he should go into modelling

Last night I was trying to roll over in bed but something was in my way. I looked down to see what it was and it was Sam, my cat, as usual. BUT he was flat on his back, passed out completely, with all four paws in the air. It was so cute that I almost actually got out of bed and took a picture of him. But alas, I was tired.

well said

Jeff, not understanding the look on Cari's face: "I can't tell whether you're concerned or constipated. I don't know whether to give you encouragement or Ex-lax."

well that's one way to make friends

(Before I start this post I must share this with you all. All day my nose has been running like a faucet. So as I sit here, at home in bed, I have a Kleenex stuffed into my right nostril catching all the drippage. It works FABULOUSLY! Of course, not the sort of thing you want to do in public. But broadcasting it on The Internet, well, eh. It's me.)

Tonight I was helping my friend Jordanne and her two roommates move. Since there are three of them, and they all asked their friends to help, I didn't know two-thirds of the people there. After we were finished, the girls fed us sloppy joes in thanks. I was standing in the hallway area of their new apartment, not really talking to anyone, just sort of listening to the five conversations going on around me while I waited around to get my food.

This guy came out of one of the bedrooms and said to Jordanne's back, "In Nebraska we..." and then realized she wasn't listening. So he looked at Melissa and said, "In Nebraska we..." and then realized she was engaged in another conversation. He looked around for a minute, looked at me like, "I don't know you," then shrugged as if to say, "but I don't care," and then said to me, "Fine. I'll tell you." And proceeded to tell me his story about Nebraska.

It was hilarious. When he was done, I said, "So, what's your name?" "Zach."

"Zach." I say. "Zach who used to live in Nebraska." At that exact moment, Jordanne passed us in the hallway, looked at me (impressed) and said, "Wow. Good memory."

Okay so it was all very entertaining when it happened, but now that I write it all down, it doesn't seem quite as funny. Ah well, who am I to talk? I have a Kleenex stuffed in my right nostril.

whatever you do, don't tear your ACL

Today, somehow, Bob and Shibu and I got on the conversation of dating. Bob's been married for 23 years, happily. He said, "Shibu, do you date?" Shibu said, "I haven't for five and a half years." Then I piped up, "Yeah, and it's been three years for me."

Shibu said, "Wow. That's eight years of not dating between the two of us. That's a long time. I don't even know if I want to play anymore. Jumping back into that game can be difficult."

I nodded and said, "Yeah, might pull a muscle or something."

An hour later Bob was still laughing, muttering, "...pull a muscle..." under his breath.

for cari, because i haven't seen her laugh nearly enough lately

Before you read this post, you must read this post. Go ahead, click. It's short.

Okay, now. When we were in Nashville, Cari and Jenae and Julie and I were in a hotel room together. (And as you read this keep in mind that we really didn't sleep that entire week. Look up the term slap-happy if you need to.) As I was getting ready to wash my face and brush my teeth, I put my trusty doo-rag (bandana, handkerchief, whatever) on my head. Jenae looked at me and said, "Oh I'm so glad you sleep with one of those on your head, too." I said, "Oh I don't sleep with it, I just use it to keep my hair out of my face when I wash my hair."

At the utterance of the word hair where the word face should have been, Cari and I immediately looked at each other and broke out in hysterical laughter. I actually fell to the floor.

What's worse, is that the following night I was trying to relay the story to Jason, and I started crying. CRYING. And not breathing. It was THAT FUNNY.

Wasn't it, Cari? (Since absolutely no one else will even find this post remotely funny.)

well said

"It's like a spiritual little 'what up' right there in your heart." —Jon

vodka? gin? everclear?

Last night at Chili's, I was being so goofy obnoxious strange myself that Jason actually picked up my water glass and smelled it.

well said

"I like Radiohead, but sometimes they remind me of something that scary clowns would dance to." —Cari

um, wow

You know how sometimes you read something and it hits you entirely differently than it ever has? Tonight, Psalm 139:1. O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.

It was Friday Night Prayer. As I was sitting on the floor on a pillow examining verses on spiritual alignment, praying through each one methodically, my friend Bill crawled over to me and asked how I was. As we talked, I realized something amazing. It's a little too personal to broadcast on The Internet, but it was amazing. Something amazing about God, and it amazed me even more that he is that personal with little ole me.

Then Bill and I prayed for an hour or so. I love praying with Bill; I always end up in a wildly different state than when I started. And after the "so be it, God," as we transitioned, I opened my bible to Psalm 139, because of that super-personal, amazing thing I realized about God. And I couldn't get past the first verse—

O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.

Yes. Yes he does. And what a beautiful way to prove it.

well said

"I bought some gingko biloba for my failing memory, and now I can't remember where I put it." —Becky

not just a fashion statement

I have decided to stop wearing a watch. I'm not sure how long this will last, it's driving me crazy. I'm one of those people who is obsessed with knowing what time it is and what the temperature is.

So I'm taking baby steps.

Time And Temperature is still on my speed dial.

and this wins the award for the sweetest thing i've ever heard in my entire life

Last night my friend Nathan told me this story about his grandparents: After dating for seven days, (do you hear that? Seven DAYS) his grandfather asked his grandmother, "Will you marry me?"

She answered, "I thought you'd never ask."

The sweetest part? They're still married.

choices well chosen

Yesterday it was unseasonably warm at 65 degrees and sunny. I chose to take a good walk with a good friend in a pretty neighborhood.

Today it was seasonably normal at 33 degrees and overcast. I chose to watch a good movie with a good friend on a comfy couch.

Sometimes you just get it right. Thank you, Becky and Jason.

three conversations that made me happy to be alive yesterday

Nathan, my new friend who, until last night, had never seen my car: "Hey, I like your car. Navy blue is a good car color."

Me: "It's not navy blue."

Nathan, looking closer: "Yes it is."

Me, yelling across the parking lot: "Jason! What color is my car?"

Jason, while not even breaking conversation with Tony: "Blurple!"

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Becky, to my unnamed friend who would kill me if I used her name for this: "Did you do something different to your hair?"

Unnamed friend: "No. I pulled it back."

Becky: "Did you color it?"

Unnamed friend: "No, but I got a new bra."

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Me, to Becky: "I have two big words to use with Jeremy tonight."

Becky: "What are they?"

Me: "Pedantic and ostentatious."

Becky: "What do they mean?"

Me: "Well, I looked up pedantic, and it said ostentatious."

Becky: "So then you had to look up ostentatious."

Me: "Yup."

for caley on her quarter century mark, from her favorite pirate hooker

This is Caley. She is a rock star.



She just turned 25. We celebrated half of Friday and all of Saturday. Quite honestly, though, I think she deserves more celebration than even that.



God had the right idea. This is what he painted for her on her birthday.



As Caley, myself, and her parents were exiting the movie theater last night (Rumor Has It is hilarious, by the way), I exclaimed very loudly (while dancing, mind you), "It's Caley's BIRTHDAY!" Just then, a car honked its horn, and I hollered, "Wooo! Yay Caley!" Caley looked at me, held up her middle finger and said, "I don't think this means Happy Birthday."

When in Rome...

Hey Caley, happy birthday. I love you and am so grateful for your presence in my life. Philippians 1:3, my friend.

well said

Stolen from Cari's Eats Shoots and Leaves daily calendar: "While we look in horror at a badly punctuated sign, the world carries on around us, blind to our plight. We are like the little boy in The Sixth Sense who can see dead people, except that we can see dead punctuation."

another conversation that bears repeating

While the four of us—Julie, Cari, Jenae, and myself—are settling into our beds in the hotel room in Nashville after being awake for, oh, twenty-one hours, we just all keep talking nonsensically. Finally Julie goes into mom-mode and says, "Okay, that's it. No more talking. Everybody go to sleep."

Two seconds later I say, "Man this bed is comfortable."

Julie, "Demerit."

Cari, "Yeah it is. And the pillows are nice too."

"Demerit."

Cari keeps talking. "Julie, you're taking me back to my cheerleading days."

"Benched."

just now

Have you ever been watching a cat bathe himself and it's so fascinating that you think to yourself, "Wow. God made that," and then your heart starts to sing How Great Thou Art as you stare at him?

Sam just did that to me.

"The world is charged with the grandeur of God." —Gerard Manley Hopkins

you caught the tater

Last night on the way to Spanish class, I stopped at my friendly neighborhood McDonald's for a little supper. I went inside, ordered a double cheeseburger and fries, sat down, and ate it. Very uneventful.

(I would like to point out that my friendly neighborhood McDonald's is just that. Friendly. I love it. They always greet you with some form of "Thanks for choosing your Mission McDonald's. How can I help you?" and they at least seem genuine about it. Everyone is professional and very kind. It's a pleasant dining experience.)

I met up with Caley at Spanish class, and she'd come straight from a meeting and hadn't yet eaten supper. We stopped by Target for some goods, and while there she said offhandedly, "I think I'd like some fries." I started thinking about this post of Todd's, and the thought of a triple-thick chocolate shake was making my mouth water. So I asked, "Your friendly Mission McDonald's?" Caley was totally on board.

So we drove through McDonald's—she ordered a chicken nugget mighty kids meal, and I ordered a triple-thick chocolate shake. As I pulled up to the second window to pay, the young gentleman said to me, "Weren't you here earlier?"

"Um, yeah." Dude. Is there anything worse than getting called out by a McDonald's employee for eating McDonald's too many times in one day? Snap.

27 and oh so responsible

At the Passion conference in Nashville last week, they did this very streamlined thing about lunch. Basically, just before lunch we had a worship set and a speaker, then immediately after lunch we had breakout sessions during which you could go hear different speakers on different topics of your choosing. So, in perfect Passion streamlined form, they handed out boxed lunches for us to eat during the break so people didn't have to wander off into downtown Nashville in search of a restaurant that could serve not only the normal Nashville lunch-crowd, but 18,000 others as well.

Most people, after getting their boxed lunches, sat around with their friends in clumps on the floor, dining happily. The volunteers gave out trash bags to the clumps of people so that we could all pick up after ourselves. Most clumps filled their trash bags, then left them open for other passers-by to put their trash in as they needed to. Our clump had finished up our lunches, and we were all headed down to the Go Center. As we were walking, I was behind Isaac, not paying much attention but mostly just watching his feet as we walked so as I wouldn't run into him. As we passed three open trash bags just to our right, Isaac paused, lifted his right foot, then put it down and sighed disappointedly. Then he kept walking.

I stepped up next to him and said, "Isaac? Were you going to kick the trash?" Looking like a five-year-old who'd just been told no, you can't have any ice cream, he said, "Yeah."

"Dude, sometimes I wish your filter didn't work so well. That would've been hilarious."

well said

Shibu, looking at my new video iPod, "I wish I hadn't bought one of these old ones. I hope that they come out with one that makes burritos soon and then yours will be obsolete."

what nine hours on a bus will do to you

Amy: Shibu, did you bring Catch Phrase?

Shibu: No. And I'm kicking myself for it. I'm bored.

Jason: You could just pass me around and I'll whisper words in people's ears.

now that's starting the year off right

I'm still a little sleep-deprived, but finally well-fed and still very happy. This week has been amazing...the week at the Passion '06 Conference in Nashville. I know it doesn't particularly SOUND like fun, taking a bus for ten hours with 55 people, then sleeping four hours a night and walking five miles a day and eating once (maybe twice) a day for four days, then heading back on that very same bus...but oh dear goodness it was soooooo much fun.

For starters, the bus ride was actually (okay, come close because I'm going to whisper this)...fun. I know. Can you believe it? This is Jill, our rockstar of a bus driver. She had her pocket knife out and was talking to Jonya in the seat behind her, and I was clicking pictures toward the back of the bus. I can't remember who said it (see: three hours of sleep) but I think it was Jason, "Hey Amy? Please take a picture of our bus driver waving a knife around."



Then the conference. Oh my gosh the conference. It was incredible. Worship and teaching and fellowship and Nashville. This would be way too long to read if I actually started to put coherent thoughts into the keyboard telling about it. All I have to say is, go. Next year it's in Atlanta. I'll see you there.



Oh, and I'd like to point out that I ran into Katie (or she into me, rather) (and who did not come with us, by the way) in the Go Center, which was pretty damn cool considering that there were eighteen thousand people there. I also ran into a friend of an old roommate from Kansas City, who had moved to Colorado and gone to church with my friend Carl. Can we say Small World? All together now, Small. World.



Now, I think this was my highlight. On the bus ride back we were talking about favorite parts and least favorite parts. This was my favorite. Christy Nockels and Matt Redman rocking some old hymns in the Ryman Auditorium. Dude. I went back the second night to hear the same set because I loved it so much. It was some of the greatest worship I've experienced in awhile, and that really surprised me and healed me a bit. It was fantastic.



Maybe I'll process more later, but if I started now you'd just not read it because it'd be waaaaayyyy too long. But, all in all, it's the most perfect week I've had this year. :) Okay so it was the first week of the year, but it was still perfect.

Ha-re-ru-jah!

auld lang syne

With the exception of last year I've never had a good New Year's Eve. I don't even know why I try. My theory is that historically each person has a holiday that is grand, and a holiday that sucks. New Year's Eve is the one that sucks for me.

Now the Fourth Of July, on the other hand—I can't remember EVER having a bad Fourth Of July.

Remind me to sleep through New Year's Eve next year.