apparently it USED to be a safe bet

For some reason I was singing under my breath, "I want you to want me... I need you to need me... I'd love you to love me..."

Sam said, almost inadvertently, "I'll give you fifty bucks if you can name who sings that song."

I looked up, thinking I'd hit the jackpot, and said, "Okay. Cheap Trick."

"Dammit!"

"Oh, did you forget that I was thirty-two?"

"I guess. Do I still have to give you fifty bucks?"

do i look good as a simpson?

This is scary accurate, isn't it? If only the cat were orange.


www.simpsonizeme.com

hence the bruise on my right butt cheek

Me: "Hey dude, did you hear I wiped out walking to the dock today?"

Isaac: "Hmm. Well, that sounds about right on par."

oh, OFA

This year has been full of weeks that make me say, "This is the best week ever!" I can't pick just one, but this past one most definitely takes a spot in the top five.

Ozark Family Adventure.

I am exhausted, and happy. Click the photo of Julie and me for a slideshow.

well THAT'S my next halloween costume

Today I was talking to my friends Lindsey and Jason, and Lindsey had just told me that she was going to Theater in the Park tonight to see Hello Dolly. Jason asked what I was doing tonight and I said, "Oh, I'm going to dinner with Cari and Kevin, it's our every-so-often, get-together-and-make-fun-of-bad-grammar, and eat-at-Holy-Lash-Cafe night."

"Holy Lash Cafe?"

"Well, Holy Land Cafe, but every time we eat there someone finds an eyelash in their salad. I don't know why we keep going back. Probably because we like calling it Holy Lash."

Lindsey says, "Well, I've got some bad grammar for you to make fun of tonight. Jason and I were just at US Toy, and there was this little, whorish costume that had ears and sort of resembled a swimsuit with fur. It was called Furry Loin and it took me a minute to realize that it was a typo of what was supposed to say Furry LION."

It was a good ninety seconds before I was able to breathe again after that one. I think I actually sat down on the floor it was so funny.

this is my office space

Today I received in the mail a lovely package from Amazon: a book on grammar that I bought to read for enjoyment. I knew that Ryan (my cubicle neighbor) would be jealous; he, too, loves grammar.

So when I handed him the book to look at, his eyes widened as he opened it and he said, "Will this book live here on your desk or at your apartment?"

"Oh, it can live here when I'm not actively reading it. I'll just put it with the books on my filing cabinet. You can even take it to the bathroom with you, but you've got to promise you won't get any poo on it."

thanks for the vote of confidence

Jon looks at me across the dinner table and asks in all seriousness, "Hey Amy, was that comment I made about Bin Laden the other night inappropriate?"

Before I can even answer, Isaac interrupts. "Dude. Do you realize who you're asking? It's Amy. She's, like, the QUEEN of inappropriate."

well said

Harry Potter, from the big screen: "Look at me! What is happening to me?"

Me, meaning to only be loud enough for Mike to hear but inadvertently saying it so loudly that the entire theater heard it: "Puberty?"

in our defense, we were all very tired

We were at Applebee's and bullriding was on the television. It was one of those "gory out-takes" deals and guys were getting hurt all over the place.

Mark said, "I'm glad I'm not a cow."

I said, "Well, the bulls aren't cows either."

Bruce said, "Then what are they?"

I replied, "Bovines. Cows are the female ones. Female elephants are called cows too."

Michelle and Sam chime in, "So are female manatees."

I laugh, "Yeah, Barbara Manatee is a cow."

Bruce asks, "I don't get that. Why would a cucumber want to marry a manatee anyway?"

And instead of explaining that it's a cartoon, or that she's a soap opera star and he's a fan, or that it's simply a ridiculous song—I say to him as if it makes all the sense in the world,

"Because he's in love with her."

good words

Excerpt from Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen:

I tell you all of this because I know how moody you and I can be. One day we feel great, the next we feel miserable. One day we are full of new ideas, the next everything looks bleak and dull. One day we think we can take on the whole world, but the next even a little request seems too much for us. These mood swings show that we no longer hear the blessing that was heard by Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob, Leah and Rachel and Jesus of Nazareth and that we, too, are to hear. When we are thrown up and down by the little waves on the surface of our existence, we become easy victims of our manipulative world, but, when we continue to hear the deep gentle voice that blesses us, we can walk through life with a stable sense of well-being and true belonging.

she is beautiful

"may you dream you are dreaming in a warm, soft bed
and may the voices inside you that fill you with dread
make the sounds of thousands of angels instead
tonight where you might be laying your head"

—patty griffin

post-movie conversation

"See, Amy, you DO have a heart."

"I know. I did cry during that one preview. Which one did I lean over and say, 'that preview made me cry'?"

"I can't remember. Was a it a romantic comedy?"

"Absolutely not."

"Action?"

"No. It was the preview after the funny Disney one."

"The Loch Ness movie?"

"Yes!!"

"Really?"

"What. It's about a boy and his waterhorse."

here's to you, john mcclane

Wow.

I just got home from Live Free or Die Hard. Dude, I realize I throw around comments like, "That was the best movie ever!" often, especially with comedies like Talladega Nights and Anchorman, but this was truly one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's going in the Top Five, along with the other three Die Hards. At this point I am just not sure whether to squeeze out The Village or Field of Dreams to make room for it. I think for now I will just have a Top Six.

I mean, I could tell you of all the brilliance and the hidden comedy and the freaking kickass action, but I will just say go see it. I don't want to take that joy from anyone.

(And, I must add, albeit in parentheses: Bruce Willis AND Justin Long? Wow. Thank you, Len Wiseman. Bruce Willis is sexy with or without hair—as we recall I did fall in love with him during Moonlighting—and Justin Long is absolutely adorable, even if Cari does think he looks like a rat.)

The only thing that could've made it better? A cameo by Will Ferrell. But hey, sometimes you can't always get what you want.

now that we're no longer kittysitting the GIRL cat

Yesterday morning the cats (probably Sam) knocked their food bin off of the top of the refrigerator.

AT FIVE A.M.

Not only does this practice make a very loud noise, but it bursts the top off the container and all the food spills everywhere. All over the kitchen floor. But instead of cleaning it up, Caley and I just looked at it, decided, "Well, we don't need to put food in their BOWLS for awhile," and went on about sleeping. We figured we'd let them eat the food that was on the floor until they had cleaned it all up, then sweep up the remnants and mop.

Then last night Caley and I were both in the bathroom when Buddy ran in and promptly stuck his head in the toilet.

Caley looked at him and sighed, "Do we have a bachelor pad here? You're eating your food off the floor and drinking the water out of the toilet."

well said

Mike, video camera in hand, to Jon: I want you to say, "Back up, Sir! Back up," and push the camera away from you.

Jon, to Jason: Back up. Back up! BACK UP!

Jason looks at Jon and shakes his head.

Jon, to Mike: Wait, who am I saying, 'back up' to?

kittysitting

The little piece of joy in our apartment this weekend is Aaron's newest addition Billy Catherine.



Buddy is extremely fascinated with her.



Me bonding with her.



She reminds me SO MUCH of Sam when he was a kitten. This is Sammy four years ago:

lyrics

Do you know you're a word from heaven?
Do you know you're a child of God?

Every word sent down from heaven will not go back up until it's succeeded in what he's sent it to do.*

Sons and daughters of the living God.

—Jason Upton
Listen and/or buy it here.


*As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. —Isaiah 55:10-11